Before it Breaks

This piece was inspired by the song "Before it Breaks" by Brandi Carlile 

It had only been a dream. But it had been so clear. I could see it. We were together. I could see the hills, black in the moonlight. I could smell the evening air, chilled yet burnt from a distant wildfire. We were holding hands. You were faintly snoring. I smiled at the limestone surrounding us, thinking what I would have carved into it if I had been Borglum. I rub my thumb over your hand, feeling every wrinkle, like rings on a tree trunk. And then I knew, if I had been given the chance, I would have carved you.

Say it’s over.

Say I’m dreaming.

Say I’m better than you left me.

But I’m not.

I needed room to bend,

but you just let me break.

The dream has changed. I see the house. Our home. The home your grandparents lived in. The wildfire is closing in. The air is hot. I am choking, gasping for breath. I squeeze your hand to wake you but you aren't there. I rush inside to our bedroom, a place where I have always felt safe. I climb into bed and pull the blankets over me, but something is wrong. Our bed has shrunk. There used to be plenty of room for both of us, but now there is hardly enough room for me alone. The fire is consuming the house. But I don’t care. I only want to know where you are. I reach for the picture frame on our nightstand. The picture has changed. I am smiling, but there is an empty space next to me where you should have been. The fire enters our bedroom and I throw the picture into the flames. I lay down, letting the fire enter, and I can feel it burning my heart before it breaks. It had only been a dream.